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realization
Friday, October 9, 200910/09/2009 04:09:00 AM
I just got back.
Visited Play (the club) today, but we left after a while and went to Double O. Wanted to go to Rebel but it was closed tonight, so yeah. And Zirca had a private party. It was Lesbian Night at Play though, hahahaha. We went in early, so we could get in free. But we were TOO early and no one was dancing. So we decided to ditch. Okay, going to Play, I realized something really important and distinctive and I told this to Peggy too. ME: "I just realized how I really cannot make it as a butch after looking at all these people." PEGGY: "Yeap! You are girly, you know." hahahaha. Discover something deeper, if not new, about yourself everyday yeah? hahaha. Like tonight, I wanted to trying going all butch, especially with my new hairdo. Stepping in to the club, I realized just how much of a girl I really am. hahahaha. Like okay, I may not be the girliest of girls, but I am girly, but at the same time I'm tough. Living my life, it's either be tough or die. Seriously. hahahaha. Oh well. I love myself. :) OH OH! Peggy did say that she felt like she was talking to a hot guy when we just met though. HAHAHAHAHAHA! So we danced in Double O till we sweattttttt. haha. After bout an hour or so, Peggy, Ron (her friend) and I went out for a break. Smoked. duh. haha. He didn't. He doesn't. Good boy eh? HAHAHAHA. Thennnn I went back in, ALONE, cause they were just tired and inside, it was just too hot for them. I didn't care if it was hot; I just wanted to let loose, dance, and just forget about EVERYTHING for a while. And that was exactly what I did. I went back in, stepped into an altogether different universe and just danced. haha. Though, two guys started dancing with me. One, started grinding me from behind, but I couldn't really care less. I was in another world. I didn't even realize he was grinding me till he went away. HAHAHA. Then, earlier in the night, one girl was apparently interested in me but I was just too stupid to realize. HAHA. Didn't know until Peggy mentioned it when we went to smoke. SHE: "You ah! Girl wanna grind with you and you still don't know." ME: "Whattt laaaaa! I idiot can?" hahahahaha. Know what though, there's only ONE guy I want. And Ryan Alexander Maddison, it's you. I guess you had me falling from four years ago. And even though we lost contact, after all these time, the feelings just don't go away do they? Thankfully, it's mutual. hahahaha. :) AND! There's only one girl I want. You know who you are. Even if I had known the girl wanted to grind me, I don't reckon I would've done anything else different. I'd rather you grind me can? hahaha. Thought of calling you tonight but I knew you'd be freaking irritated of not being able to club, so yeah. hahaha. And girl, I need you. Okay? So stop feeling un-needed. Don't know what to feel? Babe, feelings are supposed to be based with the heart, not mind. Don't think so much. Mommy should be back soon. She took the 11pm bus. It's 4.23am, as I type this entry, and await her return. God, please, PLEASE, no fights. I dread them. They're very tiring. I've been angry all my life and I don't wanna live with hatred, anger and pain no more. Though sometimes, there's just no escaping it is there? Gonna go to Maddy's on Saturday. I wanna see her mom. I think mommy may come along too. Heh, I don't know. It's time to get my priorities right. School's gonna resume in about a week's time. I wanna do better. I haven't been at my best. Tuty, I'm gonna need your help with this aight? Lets be nerds next semester. LOL. But yeah, I wanna bring my GPA back up! It's time to revive it. Will all that said, I am still gonna party. Clubbing lets me let loose. Though, I gotta have a shot or two first. haha. :D Aight, I'm gonna call it a night. Working 1-10 tomorrow. Didn't go work today, though I was supposed to. Hopefully I don't get in trouble. hahahaha. Oh, oh, I've got another song lyric to share tonight. Leo, I think this song applies to you and Edwin too. :) And babe, I know how 7 days can seem like a long time, but it'll pass okay. Though, I know what you're feeling right now. I know how that emptiness feels. It's something I feel too. :) You got me though, okay? I'm only a call away, 24/7, anyday, anytime. Natalie Imbruglia- Counting Down The Days. You were right And I don't wanna be here If your gonna be there Was that supposed to happen I'll hold tight I'll remember to smile Though it has been a while And without you does it matter There's no room No place to start When our souls are apart I wanna travel through time See your surprise Hold you so tight I'm counting down the days tonight I just wanna be a million miles away from here I'm counting down the days How've you been It's just the usual here And days are feeling like years And every day's without you Now I cry Just a little too much When I think of your touch And everything about you I feel cold I'm in the dark When our souls are apart I wanna travel through time See your surprise Hold you so tight I'm counting down the days tonight I just wanna be a million miles away from here I wanna travel through time See your surprise Hold you so tight I'm counting down the days tonight I just wanna be a million miles away from here I'm counting down the days I'm counting down the days I'm counting down the days I'm gonna be your surprise I'm gonna hold you so tight Yeah I wanna travel through time See your surprise I'd hold you so tight I'm counting down the days tonight I just wanna be a million miles away from here I wanna travel through time See your surprise I'd hold you so tight I'm counting down the days tonight I just wanna be a million miles away from here A million miles away from here |
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